Monday, June 30, 2008
don't know why.
but i have to admit.
that i'm that slightly,
for that little bit,
upset.
not because you didn't sleep
as early as i wanted you to,
or i said you should.
i guess i feel it's because you didn't get enough sleep.
and i'm that worried for you, my dear.
but i'm glad that you said you'll take better care of yourself.
5:32 AM; `dead.Y
i am a simpleton.
you'd often say.
that only i'd make you happy,
but not the other way round.
you are wrong.
you being around.
you smiling at me.
you buying almond bars.
you buying potato chips.
you asking me to drink water.
you asking me to eat panadol.
you throwing the winnie the pooh at me.
you asking me questions.
you assuring me.
you letting me hold your hand.
every little thing you do
makes me inexplicably happy.
you're the sweetest of candies.
12:00 AM; `dead.Y
Sunday, June 29, 2008
11:34 PM; `dead.Y
forever, my dear,
is a difficult word.
so i won't be too greedy,
nor will i be unrealistic.
just the rest of my life,
will suffice.
8:01 PM; `dead.Y
Friday, June 27, 2008
omp.
someone finally admitted
that she is
so so.
pretty!!
C:
(supposedly)
11:59 PM; `dead.Y
i am a fussy control freak.
11:31 AM; `dead.Y
happy one month old.
that other secret.
3:44 AM; `dead.Y
i was thinking for a bit.
that after everything else.
i'd end up realising that i like you.
that it was you.
among millions of people.
and i like this feeling more than anything else.
2:13 AM; `dead.Y
2:11 AM; `dead.Y
Monday, June 23, 2008
some things bare repeating.
like things to silently tell.
even if it's for the one millionth time.
that you are the beautifulest colour in the world.
#C33832.
coloUr.
10:59 PM; `dead.Y
suddenly,
i have come to realise/ze one thing.
i used to say,
and used to think.
i'd hope people would read this blog,
so they can know me better,
and know what's going on.
but lately,
i realise/zed.
i'd only want somebody to read this blog,
because everything i'd post,
and write,
is really just for her to read.
2:56 AM; `dead.Y
some silent times
on wooden benches
just you, and i.
I'd love to savour every single moment with you.
1:26 AM; `dead.Y
Sunday, June 22, 2008
butterflies.
just like this.
1:14 PM; `dead.Y
i'mnotsureifi'maroundtodothisthen.
so.
five.
12:00 AM; `dead.Y
Saturday, June 21, 2008
i can't begin to describe this queer connection,
about how is it that,
one's sadness,
frowns,
tears,
smiles
laughters,
can become another's.
2:11 AM; `dead.Y
if there was any,
'shouldn't have to',
my dear,
it would be seeing your tears
seeing you sad
seeing you unhappy
seeing you cry,
because that's the most painful of feelings.
2:02 AM; `dead.Y
this, my dear,
they call it free fall.
at 9.81 metres per second squared.
but i cannot land yet.
12:39 AM; `dead.Y
some things in life,
the harder your grasp,
the faster they slip away.
so why do people want to lose what they never had
so why do people stab themselves in the heart,
when they know the excruciating pain they know so well.
12:37 AM; `dead.Y
Thursday, June 19, 2008
11:08 PM; `dead.Y
i want to die before i turn old
before i get wrinkles
before i walk with a cane
before i lose all my teeth
before i sit in a rocking chair
because someone else wants to, too.
10:30 PM; `dead.Y
`sweetness
there's something beautiful about sweetnesslike the voices of the windslike the colours of a sunrise
like melting chocolate sundaes
like the titter-tatter of rain
like the people under those umbrellas
there's something mesmerizing about sweetness
like the warmth of embraces
like one's head on another's shoulderlike the tubs of unfinished popcorn
like the smell of woven grass ringslike the stubs of unused tickets
there's something enchanting about sweetnesslike starless nightslike the telling of secretslike melodies of a songlike the remembrance of a face
like the listening to silent oaths
there's something to love about sweetness
like the taste of sweet cherries`sweetnessyou're but the sweetest of them all.
9:58 PM; `dead.Y
Sunday, June 15, 2008
did it.
for the first time.
i think.
i wonder.
5:29 PM; `dead.Y
still learning.
almost did it today.
is that counted?
5:11 PM; `dead.Y
i could just sit there,
and look at you,
and look at you,
until i fall asleep.
4:39 PM; `dead.Y
oh, it's fifteenohsix today.
12:37 PM; `dead.Y
the most daring speech of my life.
12:35 PM; `dead.Y
Saturday, June 14, 2008
open up your arms,
so that I may die in them,
in the sweetest of reds.
because this beauty will wither.
betray this warmth,
like broken sunrises,
like ephemeral silences.
because this beauty will wither.
disintegrate,
my love,
like petals into the wind.
12:46 AM; `dead.Y
when can I make my own wishes.
i need to learn.
12:45 AM; `dead.Y
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
oink.
whattt a weiirdd day.
sneak-using my OC's modem again. =/
okay actually I don't have much time with this.
sooo..
okie bye.
oink.
3:39 PM; `dead.Y
Monday, June 9, 2008
six more months,
with that bastard,
then I'm done.
11:50 AM; `dead.Y
Sunday, June 8, 2008
10:09 PM; `dead.Y
one day,
i'll get rid of these,
burns.
all of them.
9:40 PM; `dead.Y
ahoy, matey.
good day.
*gulps*
9:34 PM; `dead.Y
traits of a cancerian.
Okay,
had quite a weird experience over at my piano teacher's house.
She quite poor thing, she got robbed!
Sort of, at least.
Then, lost like tons of valuable stuff.
IC, cash, branded stuff and whatnot.
Oh, today, my teacher's niece came over.
OMP.
She is crazy, and stresses me out like crazy.
I was playing my scales and arpeggios?
Then, my teacher was like, there's my niece, who by the way,
had a really cute puppy with her.
Then she said, oh, she has diplomas in violin and another musical instrument, I forgot what.
And, a degree in piano.
Crazy.
So when I heard that, I was like, OMG ARE YOU FOR REAL, I AM DIEDED.
Then I started screwing up my scales and stuff.
Then the worse part is, she was asking her to play and stuff.
Then the niece asked my teacher, what grade is he (me) ?
My teacher went, oh Grade 4 but doing Grade 5 and 6 stuff.
Okay, here's the punchline : the thing was, I wasn't doing so well (she stressed me out!)(EXCUSES), so I was rather crappy.
So she was like : oh, can recognise the skills.
OMG.
THANKS.
x.x
Totally, killed.
But for a moment, I had sort of a motivation thing.
As in, I felt motivated to do well for my piano stuff.
So, next time, when people 'recognise my skills' , it's really the skills they're talking about.
HAHA.
COME TO PAPA.
traits of a cusp?
9:06 PM; `dead.Y
srsly.
i know, it's the 9213842934th time i've said this.
but. srsly.
it's either i'm telepathic and/or psychic
or i'm so lucky, that it's starting to scare me
.
7:06 PM; `dead.Y
okay.
really just a random thought.
but sometimes I can't help but think.
what if, your whole life,
was a lie,
was a show,
and that everyone around you
were just putting up an act,
for you to see.
i shudder at the thought of it.
4:54 AM; `dead.Y
the revelation of the first prototype,
B-2 Spirit Stealth Bomber.
oh but.
that's only secondary.
12:52 AM; `dead.Y
Saturday, June 7, 2008
so i sit up,
stare at the screen,
and think hard,
but still come up with nothing.
so i stare,
and stare further,
until somewhen,
maybe i'll fall asleep,
and not wake up anymore.
2:31 PM; `dead.Y
so how many more excuses,
can i think up for myself.
2:29 PM; `dead.Y
even if the whole world was against me.
11:35 AM; `dead.Y
i had the scariest of nightmares.
but really,
the theme for nightmares these days,
is really quite queer.
10:48 AM; `dead.Y
every single
waking moment of mine.
well.
almost.
8:35 AM; `dead.Y
have you ever wondered?
Okay.
Scary week.
I don't know why.
Just had that feeling.
Didn't really do much anyway.
Arrows a lot, but not too hectic, except for a couple of nights.
Hmm, what else.
Eh, srsly, I'm getting ultra-boring.
And ultra hungry as well.
I have very bad cravings these days.
Eat eat and eat.
Oh, and the Monday plan?
Was pretty much successful!
I think.
Yay.
Okay.
Really ah, I'm boring.
Must get emo or something, then can think of stuff to write.
=X
how does it feel like, when we're covered in snow.
1:11 AM; `dead.Y
happy 500th post.
i remember vaguely.
that they had a name for it.
and it was called illusion.
1:05 AM; `dead.Y
overdose.
srsly.
i'm gone.
overdose!
12:40 AM; `dead.Y
Friday, June 6, 2008
can't.
get.
rid.
of.
this.
imploding.
feeling.
die.
god.
10:46 PM; `dead.Y
If I was a flower growing wild and free,
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee!
And if I was a tree growing tall and green,
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves!
squawk.
oink.
10:03 PM; `dead.Y
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
okay.
for every weekend of the next 50 years.
go out with me!
>_<
11:13 PM; `dead.Y
reading 5 years ago.
deepest memories.
11:02 PM; `dead.Y
i wish i was dumb.
retarded.
and stupid.
at least.
please let me be.
so let others love.
so let others hate.
so that i don't have to.
i am too weak,
too undeserving,
to feel.
6:57 PM; `dead.Y
please tell me.
what's this nagging feeling.
that is irritating the hell out of me.
that makes me tear my hair out.
that is breaking me apart.
6:35 PM; `dead.Y
one piggy,
two piggies,
three piggies,
four piggies...
zzz...
11:00 AM; `dead.Y
i feel less pain
these days.
which is good.
10:58 AM; `dead.Y
Monday, June 2, 2008
silly.
i'll smile so that you'll stop frowning.
i'll bleed so that you'll stop bleeding.
i'll laugh so that you'll stop crying.
so silly,
you have only one thing to do.
just stay happy.
11:56 PM; `dead.Y
headache headache.
bad headache.
oink.
11:43 PM; `dead.Y
because out of a hundred million people
i found you.
11:15 AM; `dead.Y
we're but masters of pretense
bad liars
bad escapists
bad lovers
badly kept secrets
wastepaper secrets
our own pursuits of happyness
our countdowns to eternity
and
our own questions of the day.
because no one is sure or certain of tomorrow.
because i am not sure as well.
because if anyone had been
then there would be no looking forward
to the next happiest day with you.
11:02 AM; `dead.Y
11:02 AM; `dead.Y
Sunday, June 1, 2008
i was almost the happiest pig,
i mean, man
on earth,
yesterday.
oink.
8:38 PM; `dead.Y
`konayuki
we always pass by each other in the season
where the powdered snow flutters
even though I slip away into the crowd
we're looking up at the same sky.
we're freezing.
as though we were blown on by the same wind.
I probably don't know,
everything about you.
yet out of a hundred million people,
I found you.
I have no basis for this,
but it really is what I think.
there are no fights that are trivial.
we can't live together,
at the same time.
If we can't be ourselves.
then happiness and sadness will be,
just lies.
hey, powdered snow.
when you coloured us white,
all to way to my heart.
could we then,
understand our loneliness?
pressing my ear,
against your heart.
I want to go down towards,
the sound of your voice.
until I get down that deep,
let's meet up there again.
I want us to understand,
I was the one,
who stroked the surface.
even though we were connected by me,
holding your hand,
that was numb with the cold.
hey, powdered snow.
you, in a way that is too fragile.
turn eternity,
into the a stain on the rough asphalt up ahead.
hey, powdered snow.
my unreliable heart wavers,
and yet,
I want to keep protecting you.
hey, powdered snow.
when you coloured us white,
all the way to my heart.
you envelop our loneliness,
and return it to the sky.
`konayuki - 1 リットルの涙
,
1:50 PM; `dead.Y
F15, F16.
and a tub of sweet popcorns.
3:57 AM; `dead.Y
this endearing warmth.
I'd love to never let go.
12:51 AM; `dead.Y