Friday, November 30, 2007
People do crazy stuff all the time.
It's been raining.
've been walking in the rain.
Rain is good, because.
It reminds me of certain things.
Keeping quiet.
I've been trying to keep quiet these days.
But it's really difficult, especially for noisy people like me.
I've changed a bit, I guess.
Kind of miss my JC days,
because there was something to keep me occupied.
Sure, studies were tough, but they were nevertheless enriching.
I know it's quite nerdy to say this but,
at least there were intellectual conversations.
At least I could care less,
and dismiss some stuff as mere memories when people talked to me about it.
What am I talking about.
But that's because I've run out of stuff to say.
I'll find something more interesting to say next time.
I know it has always been boring.
At least it's for people who bother, and myself maybe.
Kind of empty these days.
Shallow and emotionless.
It's tiring to put on a mask ain't it.
It's better to hide in a corner and not come out.
Maybe I'll try to make more friends.
And when my love for life is running dry
You come and pour yourself on me.If.I'd love to fill it up.
10:16 PM; `dead.Y
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Boink boink boink.
Oh, I'm blind.
So you walk left,
and I walk right.
Boink boink boink.
The pot started to talk,
and pointed out that the kettle was black.
Boink boink boink.
Keep quiet,
so everyone can enjoy the silence,
again.
*signs off*
11:55 AM; `dead.Y
Right song on the wrong time.
1:11 AM; `dead.Y
I love the last post.
I thought it was rather refreshing.
I thought too.
Nah, don't bother reading.
Nah.
Yeah, yeah,
hate me,
dislike me.
Whatever.
1:04 AM; `dead.Y
`38s
38 seconds of indifference.
A little lie.
A little act.
That didn't hurt.
He lied that he lied.
He lied that he didn't.
She lied that she didn't.
She lied that she did.
Whose fingers bled,
on little strings.
Who wakes up,
with her head on a wet pillow.
He thinks.
She thinks.
He frowns.
Indifference.
She guesses,
and guesses.
Because he loved riddles,
and talked in them.
She didn't guess,
and never guessed.
It's only because he thought,
she would, and did.
He planned a surprise,
but he got really tired.
A beautiful misunderstanding,
because he misunderstood the misunderstanding.
He played a game,
but always lost.
She played together,
and always won.
He wrote a story,
but gave up halfway.
He liked fairy tales,
but could never write one.
He thought.
He thought.
But was never right.
But he took too long to realise.
A little naivety.
A little stupidity.
That really hurts.
38 seconds of indifference.
15:50:10
15:50:48
A little less noise please,
because you are smothering the memories.
`38s
12:34 AM; `dead.Y
Because you make no difference.
12:30 AM; `dead.Y
Oh, and that was myself.
Oh, how sad.
It's amusing,
how I'd say things about myself,
wanting people to tell me that they're wrong.
Only to have none,
then in the end what I say slowly becomes true.
Then slowly,
I end up with no kith nor kin whatsoever.
It always end up like that anyway.
No matter my endeavours.
I tried, last week.
To take a picture of an seemingly empty road,
only to have an army of cars honking at me because I was blocking their way.
You see, the traffic light had gone red.
So I went ahead of them to take a picture,
but I was rather late.
Judging by how I behave,
and how it's not going to change in the near future,
it's no wonder no one bothers to give a fuck.
It's not like the world owes me anything,
but I can't seem to grab hold of this fact.
I'll be a little more explicit this time round,
prove me wrong.
Nah,
no one gives a fuck.
Want to take a bet?
No, wait, you wouldn't even bother taking the bet.
Yes,
I know.
Click 'X'.
It's what usually people do before they're done reading an entry,
or half an entry.
Because fuck you.
Because I'm a whiny motherfucker who can't stop complaining how the world has done him wrong.
Somebody help me.
12:17 AM; `dead.Y
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
At least,
there's no one to act like they care.
Shhh.
Don't spill the secret.
Just like the others.
I don't want to lose.
Because I always do,
I always did.
I have the worst determination.
But that's because I care-d.
I can never do it.
Shhh.
Don't spill this secret.
But you never did.
10:22 PM; `dead.Y
Shush, and enjoy the silence.
10:00 PM; `dead.Y
Sunday, November 25, 2007
I found something I would've found long time ago.
It was in a surprisingly, better condition than before.
I think.
So I'm wearing it now.
Because someone gave it to me.
I used to wear it all the time,
until it got too worn out.
But I'm wearing it again,
for some reason.
I just realised I was wrong,
about me getting used to it.
Didn't realise it's really quite difficult.
I miss you,
even though you don't.
9:46 PM; `dead.Y
Will you come back.
It's all I want to know.
It'd take a miracle,
so that what's I'm praying for.
It's not about being angry.
It's more like being tired.
There's nothing about you,
it's just me.
So right now,
I'm trying to get used to something I have to and should get used to sooner or later.
So might as well start now.
I'm getting good at it.
El-oh-el.
Why do I bother even saying all this.
It's not like you even care.
Ciao.
6:53 PM; `dead.Y
Nothing to countdown anymore.
I'd love a sepian glow, because you aren't just black and white.
12:00 AM; `dead.Y
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Sidewalk Santas,
because Thanksgivings was two days ago.
Thanks then, for everything,
to a person who never really cared for thanks.
I'd love to give you the presents I never gave before.
11:47 PM; `dead.Y
`tisbury lane
`by mae
She greets the day with her hair wet.
She asks them to vacate the building.
Because she's got a plan they don't know yet.
And if it goes wrong, there'll be no one to see.
If she could just get the word out.
God knows she's trying.
They're watching her with eyes closed.
She's always stuck with the old route.
Does anyone knock when they barge in to beat her down?
Will you come back?
It's all she wants to know.
She knows that she's part of the problem to.
Could she let it go?
It'd take a miracle.
So that's what I'm praying for.
No one can know just how she feels.
She won't use the phone, she's too tired to pick it up.
She's going back to the old way.
She sits in the classroom to learn with the others.
Please don't give up when it's easy.
Don't you know that me and Jesus will cheer you up?
He's the only one that will be constantly everything you need.
Will you come back?
It's all she wants to know.
She knows that she's part of the problem to.
Could she let it go?
It'd take a miracle.
So that's what I'm praying for.
She lives on Tisbury lane.
She lives on Tisbury lane.
`tisbury lane
`by mae
Nice song.
've been listening to it for a day.
Nothing much.
Went to a friend's house today.
To get my PSP.
Nothing exciting.
I'd love to pick up the phone, no matter how tired.
11:33 PM; `dead.Y
Do you live on Tisbury Lane?
Do you crave for bliss, eternal?
Or a Once Upon A time,
that never was.
Death,
on the tarot card,
means renewal.
Something like, rising above from the ashes.
Kill me then.
I need to die.
've been listening to some new songs.
Played on guitar by my friend.
Nice.
That's pretty much the most exciting stuff that happened this week.
And, maybe getting my music books from Yamaha.
And getting scolded by the aunty over there because I played on their piano.
Bleedin' bitch.
But she was doing her job.
Talk, talk, talk.
Does it even matter?
It's hard to give a shit about people who don't.
Some people try,
some people give up trying,
some people continue trying.
Do you live on Tisbury Lane?
Do you crave for bliss, eternal?
Or a 'Happily Ever After',
that never will.
Just like her.I'd love to have a taste of bliss.
But I never will.
12:31 AM; `dead.Y
Friday, November 23, 2007
`where
What's your destination?
Down the street,
in the rain,
to the shelter they used to hide under.
To the empty classroom,
its blackboard coloured with chalk and secret messages.
To the crowded cafe,
listening to old songs they knew so well.
To the little garden,
tucked away by creeping vines,
their little secret so well-kept.
Up the hill,
where the apple tree stands,
where 'X' marks the spot they buried their promises.
To that CD shop,
where they fought,
when he paid for her broken album.
To the theatre,
where an empty popcorn box,
sits silently beneath their seats.
To the rooftop,
where they fell asleep,
trying to catch the sunrise.
To that little room,
a candle in the corner,
and the books they read together.
What is your destination?
But let me be selfish for once,
let me stop walking.
`where
Double trouble.
Haha.
I'm now a jerk,
which is good.
Perfect strangers,
just like everyone else.
It happens to me all the time.
But it doesn't matter,
as usual.
I'd love to stop walking down the street alone.
5:28 PM; `dead.Y
`wishesLet's sit beneath the maple tree,
and pen our wishes onto leaves.
So that they'll fly away,
when the wind dances.
Let's hide under the little shelter,
and whisper our wishes in the rain.
So that they'll be heard,
when raindrops titter-tatter.
Let's lie on warm, Georgian grass,
and make a wish under the sky.
So that they'll be granted,
when the stars fall.
Let's walk into the old mansion,
and write our wishes on its walls.
So that they'll be forgotten,
when it crumbles.
Let's build castles in the snow,
and carve our wishes on their doors.
So that they'll be remembered,
when winter ends.
Let's travel to the mountaintop,
and shout our wishes in the cold.
So that they'll be acknowledged,
when we shout loud enough.
Let's take a stroll by the lake,
and bubble our wishes in the water.
So that they'll be seen,
when the fishes swim by.
I'll take a breather by the table,
and scribble my wishes in a book.
So that she'll know,
when forever ends.
What is your wish?`wishesJust for fun, whoever reads this,
tag your wishes at the third heart.
If you want to that is.
I'd love to wish for..
5:16 PM; `dead.Y
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
11:57 PM; `dead.Y
Sunday, November 18, 2007
9:08 PM; `dead.Y
I have got to stop sleeping so late.
3:30 AM; `dead.Y
It's just me, myself and I.
And it's more or less the same as before.
I'd love to erase the same old picture.
2:28 AM; `dead.Y
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Bad habit.
I've been sleeping at times like 3 AM and later.
Must've gotten it from someone.
Anyway.
Today is a good day, I think.
I went to the dentist and stuff.
And am going to have dinner with my grandad, my mom and co.
SHARK'S FIN.
HAHAHAH.
I love them.
Screw animal lovers.
(:
It's been rather long since I've had them,
and whenever my grandad's here,
we'd have them
Oh my God, he rawks.
Oh my God, I'm speaking bad english.
Oh my God, who cares.
Oh yeah, got Jay's album.
Nice.
Really nice.
Going off soon.
Ciao.
I'd love not to be late.
6:42 PM; `dead.Y
Friday, November 16, 2007
`coloursWhite,
the colours of a mask,
and seraphic masquerades.
A deceptive rhapsody.
Pink,
the colour of a gift,
and that music box.
A rapturous melody.
Red,
the colour of her tears,
and a painted blade.
A heartrending pain.
Yellow,
the colour of lies,
and torn love letters.
A broken promise.
Green,
the colour of a leaf,
and the apple tree.
A forgotten love.
Purple,
the colour of lavender,
and a dreamweaver.
A forsaken fantasy.
Blue,
the colour of melancholy,
and the raining stars.
A shattering silence.
Grey,
the colour of the sky,
and a well-kept secret.
A diary in flames.
Black,
the colour of darkness,
and an elusive love.
An indelible mark.
You,
the colour of love,
and far-fetched dreams.
An ice cold memory.
The most beautiful colour.`coloursTook me some time to write this.
A bit forced as you can see.
I want to write more.
Getting a bit addicted.
This week is birthday week.
So to speak.
2 of my younger cousin's, my mom's, my best friend's and my grandad.
Tons of crap.
Hmm, no money already.
Never mind, it also means I get to eat good food.
I keep having very bad bouts of flu these days.
Freakin' irritating.
Dying.
I'd love to paint a beautiful picture.
7:23 PM; `dead.Y
Monday, November 12, 2007
2:47 AM; `dead.Y
Sunday, November 11, 2007
'been writing a bit.
Quite long since I've written.
`untitledTell me where the rainbow is,
the quiet sky without its stars.
An empty swing beneath the tree,
its faded colours, forgetting to swing.
A falling star!
Shush, shut your mouth,
and make a wish.
A glass bottles with paper hearts,
sweet nothings on paper bits.
Folded into paper planes,
but they forgot how to fly.
A golden coin!
Shush, flip it,
and decide whether to love.
Little notebooks smudged in ink,
reminiscing penned secrets.
Old polaroids beside the fan,
shredded, because someone threw them in.
A little girl!
Shush, sit in your ring of flowers,
and stay happy.
And so, the butterflies departed,
because they promised to.
And so, the leaves started to yellow,
because they promised too.
A little boy!
Shush, lie on your bed of roses,
and fall asleep.
Forget your love.`untitledI'd love to lie on my bed of roses too.
12:59 AM; `dead.Y
Saturday, November 10, 2007
1:23 AM; `dead.Y
Friday, November 9, 2007
*ilikeilikeilikenovembers.*
12:00 AM; `dead.Y
Thursday, November 8, 2007
*ilikeilikeilikenovembers.*
14.
12:00 AM; `dead.Y
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
*ilikeilikeilikenovembers.*
15.
12:00 AM; `dead.Y
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
*ilikeilikeilikenovembers.*
16.
12:00 AM; `dead.Y
Monday, November 5, 2007
*ilikeilikeilikenovembers.*
17.
12:00 AM; `dead.Y
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Dandelions.
I didn't know they were called that way in chinese.
Until now.
Hmm.
Didn't get Jay's album.
Prolly'll get it next week.
So yeah.
Going in now.
I realised.
Quite fast.
Haha.
Not like I cared.
I didn't bleed my fingers for it.
Dandelions.
They promised.
Not me.
Stop lying to yourself.
I love no one else, but you.
I'd love to be them.
8:54 PM; `dead.Y
Book in blues.
Bah.
Going in soon.
A rather uneventful weekend I'd say.
Lots of crap to do.
And quite little time.
Rather irritable now.
Or rather irritable these days.
I found the second notebook.
What the hell.
It's just lying on another 'there'.
It's just, there.
Like, just there.
Like, I just walk past this particular table,
and it has to lie right on the table so innocently,
as if wanting me to find it.
No,
seriously I don't give so much of a shit anymore.
I'll skip many days.
But whatever.
I'll prepare them in advance then.
Aiya,
whatever lah.
I act like it isn't special.
I'd love to solve my own problems myself.
8:18 PM; `dead.Y
Actually.
I found one of the two notebooks.
Miraculously.
It was just there lying on the table.
I must be imagining things, because I hear voices.
Maybe because I'm too tired.
Actually.
The notebook doesn't matter anymore.
I realise.
Nothing else matters.
No, I'm not trying to sound emo.
That's just the truth.
I guess I got to snap out of this crap.
And look forward maybe.
And stop sounding so fucking sissy.
Another thing,
I just want to rant.
Because.
There've been occasions when it happened.
I went to my cousin's house.
And the adults were playing Mahjong.
Then.
The piano was right beside the mahjong table.
So I was playing the piano.
And so, they were complaining that it was noisy.
And I absolutely hate it because,
I don't see how playing the piano is noise, when they're having petty squabbles,
and making all those noise with the tiles.
Fuck them.
What kind of logic is that?
Piano is noise,
and tile grinding isn't.
What is it, music?
What bullshit.
Don't even act like you cared.
I'd love to act as well.
3:01 AM; `dead.Y
`no longer.
What with blooming dandelions,
when the wind stops.
What with the ends of a rainbow,
when dreams aren't weaved.
What with that little red umbrella,
when the rain stops.
What with the hues on her cheeks,
when she stops breathing.
What with that woven grass ring,
when it turns yellow.
What with the wings of that butterfly,
when it no longer flies.
What with the tears of old,
when there's no reason to cry.
What with that thornless flower,
when it doesn't bloom.
What with that stinging feeling,
when it's all you ever felt.
What with the closest distance,
when a hug you cannot give.
What with the silent whispers,
when those were blatant lies.
What with the secrets never kept,
when the words betray your masquerade.
What with the raining stars,
when a wish you cannot make.
What with the fading memories,
when they were never yours
What with your favourite colours,
when you can never paint.
What with those secret numbers,
when you forget what they mean.
What with the little stories told,
once upon a time.
They are no longer.
Merely a forgotten past.
No longer.
Don't even try.
2:26 AM; `dead.Y
Of departures, and lies.
Escapism, is the answer.
Or not?
I'll answer for my own actions.
2:23 AM; `dead.Y
*ilikeilikeilikenovembers.*
18.
12:00 AM; `dead.Y
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Went to The Cathay to watch movies today.
Watched The Game Plan.
Nice.
Better than I expected.
Well, I mean, I can't expect much when it stars Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
Okay, actually his acting was much better than I expected.
So it's really quite nice.
Hmm.
Nothing else to say.
Haven't been really happening these days.
Hmm.
Well, at least there's something comforting.
For some weird reason, someone linked me on his/her blog!
Well.
I don't know who's that but.
Well, I guess someone does read, or maybe at least glances through this completely,
mundane and boring blog.
Actually, he/she kind of talks like me.
Maybe, a bit.
Maybe.
Oh.
Guiltily, I skipped a day.
Lol, who cares.
Well, I put it back up.
So what seeps through?
10:49 PM; `dead.Y
12:44 AM; `dead.Y
*ilikeilikeilikenovembers.*
19.
12:00 AM; `dead.Y
Friday, November 2, 2007
*ilikeilikenovembers.*
20.
12:00 AM; `dead.Y
Thursday, November 1, 2007
*ilikeilikeilikenovembers.*
21.
12:00 AM; `dead.Y