Saturday, May 31, 2008
truthfully.
i haven't been happy for quite some time.
so i'm not used to it.
so i'm insecure
so i'm scared
so i'm fearful
that it'll slip away from me again,
and again.
and again.
maybe that's why
sometimes i'd rather be sad.
at least it makes me feel secure.
1:30 PM; `dead.Y
12:58 PM; `dead.Y
Friday, May 30, 2008
we are but badly kept secrets
we are but wastepaper secrets
5:07 PM; `dead.Y
forget the 'just nows'
forget the 'last times'
forget the 'the pasts'
forget the 'befores'
forget the 'teardrops'
forget the 'heartburns'
but remember your beauty
because if it is a sin
you would have been the greatest sinner
and I would have been your accomplice
only if it were.
4:59 PM; `dead.Y
like sweet nothingsOkay, I'll try a longer post!
I think.
Actually, pretty uneventful week.
We kind of just watched movies the whole week
We opened the Multi - Purpose Room, then sneaked in with the DVD player
and DVDs, snacks included.
Then, we watched movies on the big screen.
Talk about NS life.
More like resort.
HAHA.
Okay, but the scary thing was Day One.
Oh My God.
It's like straight out of a horror movie.
Because my CSM is omnipresent.
He's everywhere.
Everywhere I went, I saw him.
And every single time I see him,
I kena arrow.
Ping pong piang.
Die.
Okay, can't wait for the weekend to come.
Which is like tomorrow.
Kay.
I think I'll go play the piano.
like silent whispers.
I'd love to whisper in your ear.
4:39 PM; `dead.Y
a play of words.
melancholy flower.
or
melon cauliflower.
4:34 PM; `dead.Y
though I've said before.
everyday, is the third happiest day
of my life.
4:19 PM; `dead.Y
oink.
nobody can guarantee ourselves
eternal happiness
but because you are happy in the now
that I will strive to give you more
oink.
4:17 PM; `dead.Y
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
i won't be able to do this when it happens.
so here it is.
happy one year anniversary.
12:00 AM; `dead.Y
Sunday, May 25, 2008
of frozen grapes
and orange chocolate
8:26 PM; `dead.Y
what with the end of the worlds
when stars fall
because it won't be the end of us
and even when my eyes stop seeing
my hands will remember your face
what with the end of the worlds
when you'll be right beside me
and even when my ears stop hearing
this embrace'll be our silent oath
I'd love to be with you even when this happens.
7:46 PM; `dead.Y
dizzy swings.I am, running out of meaningful topic titles.
Fortunately, my topic titles cannot be seen in my blog,
if not it wouldn't make much sense.
I'm not making any sense right now either.
Okay, for the first time in my life today.
I actually tried sushi.
Like, sushi.
Oh your pillow.
Yeah.
Well, it isn't that bad.
Except for the raw ones.
Tried one, I think raw mackerel?
Omg, I was going to faint.
Don't get why sommmeonneee finds it nice.
But the others were okay.
Not outstanding, but not bad.
Maybe I'm just not used to Japanese food.
Oh and, tried some like, you add rice, plus sweet sauce, plus wasabe?
I saw the wasabe, I was like, huh, so little, simple stuff.
Then, when I mouthed the stuff, I was like, ZOMGFOREAL?
I was almost tearing.
Heh, then had like, hot green tea.
So Japanese.
Just lacked the tatami, and some wooden table, or we'd be set.
Haha.
Was thinking.
Maybe I'd been too conservative,
too traditional and narrow-minded.
Since I come from a very chinese family.
Because.
Really.
It's no wonder I always misunderstand stuff.
Okay!
Think I'm going to change my blog music,
I think it's a bit too sad.
See if there's anything sadder.
Hmmm.
starless night skies.I'd love an eternity.
12:24 AM; `dead.Y
12:18 AM; `dead.Y
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Okay.
This morning was rather, boring.
Not that it wasn't enjoyable.
But boring.
The weather was fabulous,
took some photos, but won't post them up here.
Went with some friends to fish over at Bedok Jetty.
Tough luck, though.
Both for us, and fishes caught by us that is.
Very relaxing morning, it's been rather long since I had such a morning.
Only if I didn't have to serve NS.
Right.
Don't know why,
I keep having this.
Foreboding feeling,
like something bad will happen.
Like, bad, bad.
Just don't feel very comfortable, so much so it's making me feel dizzy.
Hopefully, it's just me being worried.
Hopefully.
I'm in a terrible mess now.
ARGH.
I really hate, schedule problems.
Every single fucking time, they have to set it at such an awkward timing.
I mean yeah, it's not their fault.
It's just my fault I can't turn up.
But I just feel, like, frustrated.
Sort of.
I'm actually frustrated about a lot of stuff right now.
But it's just me acting up.
Okay.
I'll rant at a later time.
dead.
2:13 PM; `dead.Y
scrambled
but am I allowed to feel like this?
oh, please give me the right to.
2:11 PM; `dead.Y
Friday, May 23, 2008
11:37 PM; `dead.Y
the whole world is running away
from something.
even myself.
but from what, no one knows.
11:34 PM; `dead.Y
even if it takes a lifetime.
even if it.
11:32 PM; `dead.Y
Thursday, May 22, 2008
six.
and i think it's a monthly thing.
annnnnd. it took me that long to realise.
annnnnnd. someone have to keep pointing six at me.
annnnndd. OKAY LAH I KNOW I'M STUPID AND SLOW LEH.
12:39 AM; `dead.Y
if only we were all dumb,
then love'd be that easy.
no one'd have to guess.
no one'd have to think.
and no one'd have to keep secrets.
12:26 AM; `dead.Y
I GO SOMEONE'S HOUSE.
THEN I KENA BARRAGE BY SOME PEOPLE.
WHY MY MING SO KU.
I JUST GOT CALLED AH HUA AND PIG FLOWER.
HAI.
DIE LAH DIE LAH.
KKBYE.
12:11 AM; `dead.Y
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Hello, I am waiting for someone to type something.
Hot Fudge Sundae
10:43 PM; `dead.Y
EH, I AM BLOGGING FROM A WEIRD PERSON'S HOUSE.
=/
10:41 PM; `dead.Y
Monday, May 19, 2008
`our grand adventurewhere does our journey endthe starry skies awaiting usthis grand adventure of oursand your etherealitywhere does our journey endthe innumerable, unknown temptationswe are but bad promise keepersfor we have broken countlessi'll never let go of my handand youwhat good are our crazy dreamswhen you aren't by my sidei'll never let go of my handand youi don't want to be that eyewitnessto see you walk out of my lifeEh.
Okay, it's like one of my aims now.
5000 words, here I come!
Really, I just want to do it.
Hmmm.
I'm going back now, see you around.
I'd love to grasp this surreality.
10:03 PM; `dead.Y
heart-wrenching gibberish.
11:41 AM; `dead.Y
okay, i'll say it here.
actually, it's really quite stupid.
as in, like stupid stupid.
like the stupidest thought in the world
it's like, how you always
call me friend.
i mean, i know we're just that.
but it's almost like you want to remind me.
so it's quite sad.
like sad, sad.
10:58 AM; `dead.Y
Sunday, May 18, 2008
okay, please imagine to your fullest
that this is a 5000 word essay.
*mind tricks*
11:44 PM; `dead.Y
i'm trying to spell futility
maybe, this time i got it right.
maybe not.
3:04 PM; `dead.Y
i'd never ever want to see your tears again
never.
2:05 PM; `dead.Y
Saturday, May 17, 2008
here we go again
what am i trying to prove
to prove that no one
is indispensable?
10:09 PM; `dead.Y
but we're all trying very hard
aren't we.
4:15 PM; `dead.Y
because there are a 1002 reasons.
because you're the beautifulest
because you're the weirdest
because you're so different from the others
because you have the weirdest laughters
because you cry for the weirdest reasons
because you have the weirdest antics
because you love the weirdest things
because you think the weirdest things
because you believe in the same things
because everything you do makes me smile
because it's those very expressions of yours
because it's the every little thing that you do
because it's the cookies and cakes
because you make me fall asleep on my phone receiver
because we will both wait for the first message
because we speak in half-riddles
because you'll ask about my secrets
because you never bore me
because you never think i'm boring
because you'll always want to hang up first
because you're the only one who can stand me
because you care
because because because.
because you're special.
3:31 PM; `dead.Y
because there are a 1001 reasons.
Rather co-incidental.
Today, I came across this song :
`旅行的意义
你看过了许多美景
你看过了许多美女
你是在地图上每一道短暂的光影
你拼成了夜的芭比
你踏过下雪的北京
你收集书本里每一句你最爱的真理
却说不出你爱我的原因
却说不出你欣赏我哪一种表情
却说不出在什么场合曾让你动心
说不出离开的原因
你累积了许多飞行
你用心挑选纪念品
你搜集了地图上每一次的风和日丽
你拥抱热情的岛屿
你埋葬记忆的土尔其
你留恋电影里美丽的不真实的场景
却说不出你爱我的原因
却说不出你欣赏我哪一种表情
你却说不出在什么场合曾让你分心
说不出旅行的意义
你勉强说出你爱我的原因
却说不出你欣赏我哪一种表情
你却说不出在什么场合我曾让你动心
说不出旅行的意义
勉强说出你为我寄出的每一封的信
都是你离开的原因
你离开我就是旅行的意义
by Cheer Chan, 陈绮贞.
I'd always thought, many, many, many, many,
things do not need a reason.
Even yesterday, I was thinking this.
But today, I realised that many things, lose their meaning without reasons.
Without reasons, there is no meaning to go on.
There is no point in the many things that you believe in.
Things don't just happen, they happen for a good reason.
whoever you are.
2:59 PM; `dead.Y
the weirdest girl in the world.
because you are special.
2:55 PM; `dead.Y
oh how breathtaking,
this adventure of ours.
just you, and me
so i'll never let go.
2:47 PM; `dead.Y
Sunday, May 11, 2008
for some reason,
i've grown to hate love songs.
especially the lovey-dovey kinds.
they suck.
bunch of naive -tards.
12:56 AM; `dead.Y
Thursday, May 8, 2008
like music to the ears.Heh,
wanted to surprise you,
if ever you came online.
But you didn't.
Actually, I've been home since yesterday night.
But I gotta go back now.
Anyway,
no,
you haven't been that bad,
asking if you can call me every now and then.
Far from it.
I'd love to hear your voice every so often.
11:01 PM; `dead.Y
songs from a secret garden.
11:00 PM; `dead.Y
Monday, May 5, 2008
you are both the devil,
and the angel.
2:56 AM; `dead.Y
Sunday, May 4, 2008
`nocturneof waning moons,and crumbling wallsshe'll fall in love soonwithin mirrored hallsof masqueradesand lovely masksa spring of serenadestis' melodious festof blue velvetsand resplendent gownsresounding trinketsenrapturing soundsof veiled facesand crystal shoesa few, light pacesand a bow, or twoof heartstringsand rhapsodiesfor her, he singscountless melodiesof yellow curlsand sleepy dovesoh, how medievaltheir secret loveof starry skiesand marbled stonesoh, there she liesbut not aloneof waning moons,and crumbling wallsoh, how nocturnaltheir forgotten love.`nocturneI hope you guys can picture this.
It's really beautiful if you can, but it's really up to your imagination.
Haven't been posting long posts in a while.
Have been playing WOW.
It's fun, can't say more.
Have been slacking a lot these days,
sleeping up till times like, 3 PM in the afternoon.
Totally crazy.
That's because most of the people in my company have flew to India,
for some stupid dumb exercises, can't elaborate too much, army stuff.
When I woke up and saw my phone, I was like, "ZOMG".
Yeah, something like that.
Recently, I've gotten into this habit, can't decide if it's good, or bad,
of playing Mahjong almost every Saturday.
It's kind of fun, but I'd always lose.
Bad luck, I suppose.
I don't usually have luck for gambling,
or, as a matter of fact,
anything else.
Queerly, I usually type long posts, only when I don't intend to.
Which explains why I don't have a lot of long posts.
Can't really say stuff when it has nothing to do with my emotions,
because I feel talking about everyday life is rather mundane.
Initially, I blogged because quite some people bother to read,
so people'll know me better.
Now, it's more like for me to make noise,
and stuff.
I'd really like more people to read, and to get what I'm trying to say.
I know, it's hard, because I talk in riddles.
But if you ask, I just might answer.
The key phrase here is 'just might'.
There had been certain, weird revelations during the past one month.
Don't quite know how to react,
don't quite know whether to feel happy or sad,
to laugh or to cry.
But aren't we all good at hiding stuff.
To say we don't when we do.
To say yes when it means no.
To say no when it means yes.
It's weird,
it really is.
I never got to understand,
how,
can we,
pretend like nothing has been said,
like nothing has ever happened,
like nothing has ever been done,
when everything,
everything,
has been said and done.
Just like what you and I do all the time.
Pretend that nothing happened.
Which is why I talk in riddles,
so that I can stop pretending,
but continue hiding from everyone else,
because no one understand what is being said.
maybe you don't mean it,
but the simplest of words,
can hurt more than the sharpest of knives.
so maybe,
i'll die.
I'd love to speak riddle.
10:25 PM; `dead.Y
repeat posts 421 and 416.
6:20 PM; `dead.Y
please
stay out of my life
if not,
i'll die.
i really will.
6:17 PM; `dead.Y
why don't we be dreamcatchers
so that we may sleep among them
so that we may stop weaving
this slumber in our pavilion of dreams
you,
are my dream.
2:02 AM; `dead.Y
Thursday, May 1, 2008
forget those rays of light
for we are but,
bad escapists.
1:41 PM; `dead.Y