Friday, August 31, 2007
Can't type fast now.
Left with my non-master hand.
This is damn irritating because there's very much that I currently,
would not be able to do.
i.e. play the piano, or play Dota.
Oh well, can't even type the stuff, or the so-called poems that I wrote.
And it really tires my left hand out.
I realised something about something that I've said a few weeks ago.
I was told or hinted that I was wrong, but it turned out that I was right.
Well.
Sigh.
Id love to be wrong at times.
10:08 PM; `dead.Y
Candies gone wrong.
I'd love them to be like this, but I couldn't make it happen.
9:04 AM; `dead.Y
I have my doubts.
But you never knew.
I'd love to erase this.
8:27 AM; `dead.Y
Oh.
Well.
Last day I can use both of my hands.
I'll miss playing dota.
I'll miss blogging easily.
I'll miss the piano, and lots of other stuff.
Well, it's not permanent, but still, it's gonna be like that for at least 2 weeks.
It's a longgggg time you know.
God.
I'm having general anaesthesia tomorrow!.
So, well.
Although the chances are miserably low, but you never know.
So if I'm gone tomorrow.
I don't know.
Haha.
Hmm.
Well.. something funny happened today!
Like, I was at the vending machine buying snacks.
Then I bought a snickers.
Then my friend decided to buy Hello Panda.
Then the vending machine was like ejecting the Hello Panda.
Then it got stuck.
HAHAHAHA.
So I tried knocking the vending machine.
I even tried tilting it, but it didn't work.
Oh well. So I was like, " Eh buy a new one lah. "
But he had no money.
HAHA. So I hatched an evil plan.
I went, " Eh, why don't you go back to HQ Hub and ask Clement for 20 cents, say because your Hello Panda got stuck in the vending machine. "
LOLLLL.
He really did it.
Everyone was like, laughing at him. The funniest thing was that he had to borrow 20 cents because he didn't have enough coins.
When he went back to HQ Hub to thank Clement, people were like, " Eh, so he unstuck the Hello Panda? "
HAHA. WTH. I R EVIL.
I totally owned him.
Right.
I r pwnz0r n00bs.
Wow, this post has tons of bad english, and with leetspeak added into it.
How crappy.
Oh well.
Ah, whatever.
I'm off to sleep.
I'll miss my girlfriend.
Who's the piano.
Okay, and maybe some red fruit.
Ahhhh.
Kthxbye.
I'd love to love impossibly.
12:21 AM; `dead.Y
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Oh.
Booking in.
Nothing much to say.
'll be back by.. Thursday night.
I think.
There's no piano in camp.
Oh well.
There isn't a lot of stuff in camp either.
Many.
Why am I even saying this.
This is so, May.
If you want to, you'd be able to do it.
And if you don't, no matter how much you tell others you want to,
or how much you tell yourself you want to,
or how much you pretend to want to,
it won't happen.
I'd love to fly away like this, throwing my hearts away.
8:42 PM; `dead.Y
And love, is just so difficult.
I'd love to hate.
Can't you tell, it's hard to love.
You either love to hate, or hate to love.
8:24 PM; `dead.Y
Hatred, is so easy.
I'd hate to love.
4:58 PM; `dead.Y
`another princessAsphyxiated,
I couldn't breath.
Incessantly,
the pain that slowly seethed.
I was drowning,
my hands coloured with blood.
The thorns that pricked,
its secrets, the roses desired to guard.
I tiptoe to her room,
the starlight in the gloom.
Shadows alive, they loomed,
over flowers that never bloomed.
A hint of hysteria,
her screams, a manic glare.
A tinge of gothic black,
the petals, a colour so rare.
A rhapsody,
its vicious quavers.
Melancholy,
its cruel puppeteer.
The broken mirror,
she's trapped in this box.
She craves for sanity,
her senses flummoxed.
Her solemn abyss,
a morbid glow.
The crescent waning,
a docile crow.
Her long, flowing hair,
she silently weeps.
Seeking a fairy tale,
this forbidden seed.
This seed I sow,
the fruits I reap.
That desolate princess,
and her once venomous lips.
Hmmm, thought of something dark.
So I tried this.
Hope it isn't too bad.
Don't have much to type these days.
Mainly because my life is so boring.
Just had guard duty yesterday.
Which was.. quite crap.
Because everyone got to book out quite early.
But I had to stay.
Well.
So I went out of camp for a while to get outside food.
I walked out alone.
I ate alone.
I bought stuff alone.
I walked back alone.
I booked in alone.
I listened to music alone.
So this morning, I went home alone.
Well.
I should have gotten used to it, but it's hard.
Oh.. yeah.
Check this out.
I just did some personality test thingy?
And yeah.
This was what I got.
A part of it.
NeuroticismFreud originally used the term neurosis to describe a condition marked by mental distress, emotional suffering, and an inability to cope effectively with the normal demands of life. He suggested that everyone shows some signs of neurosis, but that we differ in our degree of suffering and our specific symptoms of distress. Today neuroticism refers to the tendency to experience negative feelings. Those who score high on Neuroticism may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People high in neuroticism are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish a neurotic's ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress.
At the other end of the scale, individuals who score low in neuroticism are less easily upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that low scorers experience a lot of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extraversion domain.
Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99
NEUROTICISM................99 ***************************************************************************************************
..Anxiety..................95 ***********************************************************************************************
..Anger....................99 ***************************************************************************************************
..Depression...............99 ***************************************************************************************************
..Self-Consciousness.......83 ***********************************************************************************
..Immoderation.............89 *****************************************************************************************
..Vulnerability............99 ***************************************************************************************************
Your score on Neuroticism is high, indicating that you are easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional.
Neuroticism Facets
Anxiety. The "fight-or-flight" system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are generally calm and fearless. Your level of anxiety is high.
Anger. Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily. Your level of anger is high.
Depression. This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings. Your level of depression is high.
Self-Consciousness. Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. Your level or self-consciousness is high.
Immoderation. Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge. Your level of immoderation is high.
Vulnerability. High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed. Your level of vulnerability is high.
Well.
It's a lot of text.
I am so negative. Period.
Yeah, no one cares anyway.
Well, not trying to curse myself.
But I half-hoped that I'll die this friday.
You never know.
Then it's buh-bye.
But it doesn't make a difference in anyone's life.
So whatever.
What else is there to say.
've been playing some piano these days.
Feels good.
That's the only thing that helps these days.
Didn't get to watch Secret because of the damn rain.
Well, whatever.
I don't feel much these days.
I'm like some vegetable, or a stone, or whatever.
Haha, sometimes.
I'll forget why I'd want to blog.
For myself?
For others?
Or what.
This is pathetic.
I can't talk, so I use this to talk to others.
I think people actually prefer reading this, than to talk to me.
It's almost like, this blog is replacing me.
Haha.
What the fuck is wrong with my life.
Everything is wrong.
Ha.
You know.
It doesn't work like that.
I'm not a child.
I'm not asking for candies.
It's not like I want them.
It's just praying, for someone to offer me candies.
It's just praying, for people to bother.
It's just praying, for people to realise I exist.
It's just praying, for when I'm not around, people'll question my whereabouts.
It's just praying, for people to feel uneasy if I stopped existing
So one would want to test.
So that's why one would want to disappear, so he can actually see if people'll bother.
And if they don't, he can continue to not exist.
It works for some people.
It doesn't for me.
Well.
I hate it when people'll only give me candies when I ask for them.
When do I get to get them, even when I don't ask?
I can't answer now, but I think it's never.
I always thought you were an exception, but I was wrong.
I always thought I can be one, but I think I'm wrong.
I can't hope for people to tell me I'm not.
Actually, after typing so much.
Only I understand this.
Right.
You won't get half of it, will you.
Not even half.
I mean, it's ridiculous.
I should be the one doing it.
Not you.
But I'm not.
And I'm expecting you to do it.
Wow, my thoughts can be that fragmented.
It's okay if you don't get it.
Because it's for my eyes only.
I'd love to drown, so the pain fades away.
2:43 PM; `dead.Y
Will update in a while.
Off to play the piano.
My girlfriend.
I'd love to meet this girl.
12:51 PM; `dead.Y
Monday, August 27, 2007
Oh well.
Booking in.
Sleepy.
Aiiix.
Oh. Found scores to pieces in Secret.
Nice.
I'll go practise.
I'll write more next book out.
Which is about.. Tomorrow or something.
Don't know what else to say.
Don't know how to phrase them either.
I'm off.
I'd love you to guess what it means.
6:07 AM; `dead.Y
Where's my right to live happily ever after.
I'd love to, I'd love to, I'd love to.
6:05 AM; `dead.Y
Sunday, August 26, 2007
`forlorn.
I'm so alone,
torn and forsaken.
Their stained eyepieces,
my blithe they've taken.
I cry alone,
I seek refuge;
in enchanting melodies,
I foolishly delude.
Those selfish hypocrites,
their lies and deceit.
They threw me aside,
like a doll tattered and beat.
I'm still alone,
forlorn and beaten.
Those mindless devils,
their fiendish lies so brazen.
Well.
It's been quite long since I've written stuff.
Actually, I wrote a couple of stuff, but I decided to put this in,
seeing as how screwed up the weekend had been.
Well, I told you I hate weekends.
This is the second time I'm typing this, the page just refreshed on me for no reason.
See, screwed up weekend.
Like that also can.
The AHM/SBR thing is completely dumb.
We reached Marina Promenade at 0800hrs, did nothing until 0030hrs the next morning.
Did some barricade and table shifting until 0500hrs, and slept until 1100hrs.
Stupid.
I heard someone died from the run.
Well, too bad.
I'm sorry?
And.
I hate the people around me.
Selfish hypocrites,
liars,
total bastards.
I meant those in the army.
I hope you guys are reading this, because, fuck you.
It's not like you guys care, what do you care?
Hmm.
I'm really drained now.
Was like, playing the whole day.
Have to book in at 0830hrs tomorrow.
Played a bit of piano, too.
Kept wondering where'd you go.
Oh well, I was online the whole day.
Oh.
I realised, thanks to my sis.
That no one ever talks to me.
Haha.
I'm not sure if this is really something to laugh about, but.
I'm so alone.
Don't tell me otherwise, because you'd be lying.
There wasn't anyone to love me dearly.
I'd love to not think like this.
11:52 PM; `dead.Y
Will update in a while.
I think.
I'd love to...how do I put it.
3:20 PM; `dead.Y
Friday, August 24, 2007
Helllloooo.
Hmmm.
Can't believe I'm writing this.
Because I'm at like, someone else's house.
Okay, not like I haven't blogged elsewhere before but..
Well.
Have nights off today!
Which started at like.. 1500 hrs.
What the heck, and I'm spending most of my nights off hours stoning.
Oh, and walking aimlessly. -_-
Hmmm, it's friday evening but I'm not going home.
How sad.
Like, the stupid Army Half Marathon aka Sheares Bridge Run aka Singapore Bay Run, lah.
Lahhhh.
Burnt weekend.
I'm scorched. x_x
Oh.. I'm having op next friday.
Yeah.
There's a 1/250000 - 1/400000 chance that I'll die from it.
Well, I have bad luck. =[
Hmmm, not getting the dinner that I had intended to get.
Which is.. kind of good actually.
Because it's junk food.
Well, now I'm getting home-made dinner.
Haha, how warm right.
Eeew, which reminds me, I had Kenny Rogers for dinner yesternight.
Complete waste of money.
MAKE ME CUSTARDS. =X
Ha, that was random, but yeah.
Hmmm. I just thought of something funny to do.
Maybe I'll do it soon.
Niehahaha.
Yawnnnn, I'm sleepy.
Oh. I'm watching Secret for the third time next week!
I think.
Eh, I think I said this before.
Ahh, never mind.
Okay, I'll go off for now.
Update on Sunday or something.
Hmmm, friday evenings are also V_V.
I'd love to stop being that random boy.
5:52 PM; `dead.Y
Thursday, August 23, 2007
GO. TO. MARINA.
EFF.
Okay.. supposed to think of something.
But can't now.
Well.
kthxbye.
I'd love everything to be so colourful.
4:13 PM; `dead.Y
Liquid paper is useful.
Ha.
Anyhow..
One Piece #46 is out.
This rocks.
Yay.
So now happiness costs S$5.50.
Period.
Which leads to the question : Why do we need to pay 7% GST for happiness.
Eew.
Then.. what else.
Okay.
I think, I think, I think.. I'm watching Secret again next week.
Yes, I'm crazy.
But it's so nice!
Okay, I'm done.
And.. OMG.
Yeah.
I'd love to make more, then maybe I won't gobble them up.
2:02 PM; `dead.Y
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
`O
I knew this boy who loved her so,
although he said she didn't know.
He said he'd hate to see her cry,
he'd catch her tears, he'd always try.
I'd love to make you smile again, and again, and again.
7:43 PM; `dead.Y
`Q
I knew this girl who loved to cry,
Although she said that was a lie.
She said her tears were mine to blame,
And now she asks if she has done the same.
I'd love to never tear again.
5:42 PM; `dead.Y
Seriously.
I saw this in my friend's msn picture.
L . O. L.
SPASTIC STUFF.
OK this post a lot of pictures.
3:51 PM; `dead.Y
Everyone dislikes me.
It's like that?
Sometimes, I might as well die.
3:17 PM; `dead.Y
Album Title : Secret OST
Genre : Chinese / Instrumental
01 Opening
02 腳踏車 (Bicycle)
03 早操 (Morning Workouts)
04 淡水海邊
05 鬥琴 (Piano Battle)
06 湘倫小雨四手聯彈
07 Ride With Me
08 父與子 (Father And Son)
09 情人的眼淚 - 姚蘇蓉 (Yao Su Jung - Lover's Tears)
10 First Kiss
11 女孩別為我哭泣 - 黃俊郎 (Huang Jun Lang - Girl, Don't Cry For Me)
12 晴天娃娃 - 江語晨 (Jiang Yu Chen - Doll of Clear Skies)
13 阿郎與阿寶 (Ah Lang And Ah Bao)
14 與父共舞 (Dancing With Dad)
15 路小雨 (Road of Drizzles)
16 The Swan
17 Flash Back
18 Secret (Slow Version)
19 Angel
20 小雨寫立可白I
21 小雨寫立可白Ⅱ
22 Secret (Extended Fast Version)
23 琴房 (Piano Room)
24 Ending
25 不能說的秘密 - 周杰倫
I. Have. Got. To. Get. This. Effing. Album.
Well, I guess I've missed out on the Limited Edition
I don't see it anywhere in Singapore.
Bullshit.
Changed the music to something nicer.
And..
I don't know how to say it, but there's something I'd want to do.
Like. Very much.
Like I'd pay my life for it.
But it'll never happen.
Just thought of it.
I'd love to do that, but miracles are a lie.
1:32 PM; `dead.Y
Happy 100th post.
Yeah right.
I'm living 2 years ago.
What a bad habit.
I'd love to stay there, and never come back.
1:16 PM; `dead.Y
Morning.
Hmmm.
Oh well.
Quarrelled with my mom last night.
She was ranting about my future.
Like, jobs, education and all the usual stuff.
It's not like it's bad, but she talks about it every single time we see each other.
She said it herself, she has very little time with me.
Then she had to bring this up again and again.
It's not 'many' times, it's 'every' time.
So I got sick of it.
Well, I did speak to her properly, and she said I shouted at her.
She just has to slap a random wrongdoing on me, so she can scold me.
She said I don't respect her.
I think the respect she wants equates to you acquiesce to her to the point of slavishly.
She's talking about how right she was, how it was her duty to talk to me about this.
It's almost like raising me up is like solving a math problem.
She doesn't understand that being right doesn't mean you have to keep doing it.
Forget it.
And..
It feels sad.
When people think positively of you, but it's really not like that.
And no matter how you explain that you're really negative, they just don't seem to accept it.
It's sad because I'm really like that, but they paint such a nice picture.
It' sad because I'd like the situation to be how they think it is, but it's really not.
Essentially, it's like them saying how rich you are, and how you can afford expensive stuff, when in reality, you're not and you couldn't afford those expensive stuff even though you'd really want to. ( No, they didn't tell me that I'm rich, I'm just trying to explain. )
So it's like they tell you that you're A , when you're B, but you actually want A to be true.
And..
Haha, I dreamt again.
How stupid.
I dream so much it's becoming scary.
And..
Lies.
Lies.
And all lies.
I'd love to shred away the memories, even though they were beautiful.
10:03 AM; `dead.Y
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I think.
I'm in a fucking bad mood now.
Oh.
And.
1 day off.
I'd love people to do that sometimes, maybe myself too.
10:07 PM; `dead.Y
Hmm.
Oh well.
Booking in.
Actually.
You're more evil than I am.
Much more.
Okay.
This sucks.
Ciao.
Ohh. Yes.
I've started writing a story.
I think.
Hmm. See how it'll go.
I'd love to not see anymore.
12:38 PM; `dead.Y
WHO SAYS I DON'T HAVE.
>=D
MWAHA.
I'd love to..be more..evil!
Actually, I suck at that.
11:52 AM; `dead.Y
Oh.
Hey.
Back for a while.
Just a while.
Hmm.
Got.
Sabotaged.
WTH IS WRONG WITH THEFLOATINGONE.
Anyhow, here's what happened :
She. Sabo-ed me on her blog. Thanks.
I am so dead.
Chatlog!
jastan. says:ZUHUA! GOT 8 PAC LIAO ANOT?
jastan. says:I WAN SEE
jastan. says:XD
You have just sent a nudge.
asphyxiatedmemories says:EH NO.
asphyxiatedmemories says:FAT.
asphyxiatedmemories says:WTH
jastan. says:LOL.
jastan. says:still the same ar!!
jastan. says:tsk tsk tsk cannot lidat....
asphyxiatedmemories says:eh.
jastan. says:how to jio girls!
asphyxiatedmemories says:next time.
asphyxiatedmemories says:if got go outt.
asphyxiatedmemories says:u see!.
asphyxiatedmemories says:=/
jastan. says:nex time u show me??
asphyxiatedmemories says:EH
jastan. says:WOW!
asphyxiatedmemories says:I MEAN.
asphyxiatedmemories says:.WTH.
jastan. says:LOL
asphyxiatedmemories says:WTH.
jastan. says:lol! i hold ur word for it
jastan. says:NAN REN da zhang fu, yi yan ji chu si ma nan zhui!
asphyxiatedmemories says:siao liao.
jastan. says:quik go gambatte now
asphyxiatedmemories says:Hi, actually i'm zu hua's sister.
jastan. says:more crunches!
asphyxiatedmemories says:he's not in now.
jastan. says:................. run away. ok lor haha
asphyxiatedmemories says:KAO.
Okay lor, win liao lor.
Yes, she blogged this. I am die.
=X
Whahah a whole lot of bad english.
Oh well.
Hahaha but this is really funny, and it reminds me of something too.
Hmm. What else.
Oh.. should blog about Sunday.
But actually nothing much.
It was my cousin's birthday, but I had to skip it because I promised some friends,
to go KBox-ing.
Sang some songs but had bad throat. =[
It's not like I can sing nice with a good throat anyway.
But it was quite fun, just that some guy was being damn irritating.
Shhh. =X
Couldn't turn up for dinner though, there was supposed to be a farewell dinner thingy,
for my friend who's going back to Hong Kong to further her studies.
Eew.
And it's all SAF's fault.
Decided to change the background music.
I have no idea where or how I got this piece from,
but it sounds very cliche, as in like, used in a lot of blogs.
Oh well.
Don't care.
Well.
I dreamt something nice about you.
Forgot what was it about.
I thought it was real, because I dreamt of the place where I fell asleep.
But I woke up.
Oh well.
Maybe I'll update a bit later after my hospital thingy.
Pray I get an MC for like 293489238423 days.
Yeah sure.
[Edit : Okay, the music just doesn't play for some reason, so I changed it again.]
I'd love to be a girl, sometimes.
9:45 AM; `dead.Y
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Okay.
Actually.
I'm in a rush.
At my cousin's house.
Thought I'd update a bit.
Just to say..
Okay, I'm off to camp.
=/
Wanted to say stuff, but I keep forgetting them.
Oh well.
See you next week.
Eh , no.
Actually I'm out on Tuesday.
Okie.
Well.
Bye.
[There's still no bloody picture, because I'm at my cousin's house,
and I'm in a rush.]
7:05 PM; `dead.Y
Eh.
Ok.
Out.
Sing song. <3
Oh well.
Sometimes.
It's damn tiring.
Even unconsciously.
No, not singing songs.
Something else.
Offff.
[No picture this time. In a rush.
How disappointing.]
1:04 PM; `dead.Y
Wanted to.
Update yesterday.
But.
No seriously, screw the old com.
I waited for hours in front of the old crap machine, for this page to load.
As in the, new post page.
But it didn't.
And it was like. 2 AM in the morning.
Thanks.
Hmmm.
But the wait, made me learn some stuff.
Did something meaningful.
Haha.
Made me think through stuff, too.
Realised something I had accepted in the past,
but did not in the present.
Eh, gross, because the english sounds awkward.
Aiya, heck.
Aiyaaa.
So... the wait was good!
I've learnt to beat around the bush. =X
Okay.
I went to watch Secret again yesterday!
O.M.G.
Oh well, it's really true when they say you'd have a different experience when you watch it the second time.
But it feels the same, as in.
There's just this feeling I can't shrug away.
This clammy, goosebumpy feeling.
Well, that's besides the point.
Because I went out with some friends yesterday.
Then there was this friend who brought a girl along.
Then we kept teasing him and stuff.
HAHA.
Evil. >=D
Okay, actually it's just me teasing him lah.
Lahhh.
Eh no, mostly me, mostly me.
We had like 5 people.
Then I got this.. 3+2 arrangement for 2 different rows.
HAHA.
So I made him sit together with his friend.
Hmm, this reminds me of something.
Oh well.
Then.. we started throwing popcorns at him.
LOL.
Throw, throw, throw.
There was this part in the movie, the female lead was like, " Look, Chopin's most beloved woman."
Then the guy was like, " Yeah.. but they still left each other after 10 years.."
Then the girl was like , " (In Chinese) Neng gou yong you, shi nian yi jing hen chang le.."
Then. I.
Whipped out my handphone and typed : Can have. Ten years already veh long!
HAHA. Then I sent my friend ( the one sitting with the girl ) the message.
IT WAS DAMN FUNNY.
He was like, his handphone vibrated.
Then he read the message and then I keep laughing!
Oh.
I was sooo irritating.
I took the ticket butt, and tore the 2 seat arrangement butt out.
Then I leaned forward and went : " This, is what you call, memories."
Then I gave the guy one, and gave the girl the other one.
HAHA WHAT THE HECK.
Okay, I was being lame.
Then the girl told my friend I was damn irritating.
Oh well, I am!
Well, it doesn't matter anyway, it's what she thinks about my friend that matters.
Maybe I just sabo-ed him. =X
Oh.. then like towards the end of the show.
There was this climactic scene, the whole cinema went silent.
Then, there was this kid, who whined very loudly : MUMMY, I WANT TO GO HOME!
The whole cinema broke into laughters.
Whahaa.
Hmm. I've started to play the piano again.
I think.
Where are my memories.
Oh, and.
I've just realised.
Something.
I don't know if it's co-incidental or what.
I don't know what you call it.
*shrugs*
I'd love to find them, but I couldn't find them in the drawers.
11:09 AM; `dead.Y
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Morning.
What a gloomy morning.
Woke up late, kind of.
Weekend.
For some obscure and stupid reason that I shan't reveal, I have come to hate weekends.
Hmm, my fingers don't hurt so much anymore.
Which is like, good.
Ohhh yes, get to like watch Secret again today!
Niceeee.
Ha, the picture is nice right..
Nice, nice, nice.
Listening to emo songs,
so I'm getting emo.
=X
You know, I was like thinking.
I live in my own dreams,
my heart fighting itself.
Like, a side of it agitates it, and the other comforts it.
It's really quite tiring.
So much so that I don't know what to think anymore.
Don't know what to say, don't know what to do and how to deal with stuff.
Even conversing becomes a chore.
I keep thinking of beautiful scenarios, only to disappoint myself with reality.
I keep thinking of disastrous scenarios, but reality doesn't prove me wrong,
they just get so fixated in my mind, I keep harping on it.
Then it's quite painful.
Oh well.
I guess you wouldn't know.
I write these for myself, so I'll feel better, I think
I don't have a psychiatrist!
Hmm, how insubstantial.
Dreams are nice, but painful because they aren't true.
People might question, so why not work for your dream?
Well, sometimes, it's just not possible.
Memories are beautiful, but they don't always stay that way.
Some people leave, before their memories become marred.
Some people stay, and hope to colour their dreams again.
Some people cling on to them, and stop moving on.
I had wanted to do the first one, but hadn't the courage.
I am supposed to do the second one, but hadn't the strength.
So I'm clinging on to the past, and living in my own world.
Oh well, I need to escape!
Guess you wouldn't understand anyway.
Aight, playyy.
Should end now.
Off.
I'd love to stop being in such a mess.
10:30 AM; `dead.Y
Friday, August 17, 2007
Oh, hellooo!
Uh, I think there's lots of stuff to update.
I think.
But I think I'll forget some.
Cuz it's really a lot.
Ok whatever, I'll just try.
Hmmm, I was thinking.
Like, last Saturday was a day of .. co-incidence!
Just that I didn't / forgot to mention.
Like, morning I was at Bedok, saw this friend of mine.
Then we talked a bit and stuff, quite surprised to see him there.
Then we parted ways.
Then, I was at PS, like queueing up for junk food, and saw this 1SG in my unit.
Asshole.
Big one.
Oh well.
Then it was like, night time.
Saw this 3SG from my company with his girlfriend.
His girlfriend, is like, malay.
What the heck.
Because he's chinese.
And he kena extra. HAHAHA.
Ok I'm evil, and has used non-standard english.
At the same place, I... saw the friend that I saw in the morning.
Then I was like. O_O.
What was, even more ridiculous was,
his friend turned out to be another friend of mine.
O.M.G.
See. Like, co-incidence.
Hmm, heh.
Okay.
What else, what elseee.
Okay, I'm officially armskote man now.
Period.
Which is crap.
Half-crap.
Okay..
I did something, really, quite, stupid today.
Hahahaha.
I was supposed to open this, multi-purpose room, aka the MPR room.
Then there was.. this.. whiteboard.
Then, there were a lot of markers.
Then, I just felt tempted.
I took the marker.
Then..
I went to draw this.
Red-coloured fruit.
It looked.. CUTE. Like. serious.
Then.
I was trying to rub it away, with the whiteboard wiper thingy.
So the ink went away.
BUT THE MARKING DIDN'T.
As in like, you can see the drawing damn clearly, so I was like OMG OMG OMG OMG.
Oh well, because the MPR room was supposed to be used by my OC sir for some briefing.
Then the red-coloured fruit was like, right there.
HAHA.
Oh well, but I never kena.
Awesomee.
I'll try to draw another one, and upload the picture. =]
Oh, then the SMS-created fruit, looks really weird.
Show you next time.
And.. you've been naughty.
You didn't study, and was eating junk food.
Noob.
Oh well, it's not up to me.
It's not like I'm the boy right.
Hmm, yay.
Can go singing on Sunday, and can watch nice movies tomorrow.
Totally awesome.
Hmm, and my fingers.
Hurt. Hurt. Hurt.
I thought they were bleeding.
Oh well, hmm, 2 weeks more!
Hopefully I'll make it.
Maybe I'll try plastering them next time.
I'd love to draw draw draw and draw.
9:04 PM; `dead.Y
Sunday, August 12, 2007
`once upon a beautiful lieIt was yesterday,
the day he heard her say,
" I'm sorry for my lies,
I have to say goodbye. "
The sky was crying,
and him, pretending.
That he would hold her hands,
her mistakes, he will amend.
He'd yearn for her kisses,
this love, their promises.
He'd listen to her favourite song,
her warmth, it didn't seem long.
Those yellowed love letters,
and the memories that were hers.
Somnus nemoris,and the dreams that were his.
He'd pass by this old cafe,
the old piano, she used to play.
The place they used to sit,
and to her, the poems he'd read.
It was raining,
and she was leaving.
For this love, he would die.
Once upon a beautiful lie.
I feel so empty.
Bye.
I'd love to not speak again.
8:00 PM; `dead.Y
A kilogram of happiness,
please.
I'd love to get a discount.
"Love? Sorry, but it's sold out."
3:04 PM; `dead.Y
I pretend many.
Don't.
I'd love not to, but I'm pretending to love not to.
2:47 PM; `dead.Y
Where is.
I'd love to dance, among the flowers that never blossomed.
2:32 PM; `dead.Y
Trapped.
Where is my right to.
Oh, how cruel.
I'd love to..I can't.
2:29 PM; `dead.Y
Run, run away.
Who's running?
From what?
I'd love to run away and away and away..
2:17 PM; `dead.Y
Morning.
Okay, I actually meant afternoon.
Nothing much for now.
Sleepy though.
Went to visit my grandma this morning.
She looks much better, I think.
Oh well.
My dad was talking about this guy having a stroke in his 20's.
Had half of his brain cut off.
Gross.
And sad, of course.
Hmm, I hear noise.
My sis must be back.
Okay, this post. is. really. boring.
Nothing to say, leh.
Lehhh.
I typed Singlish!
Again.
Ohh.
I can't stop thinking about the movie.
It's just... so beautiful.
Only he, could see her.
He was hers, she was his.
But no one knew, it's their little secret.
Oh my godddd, spoilers!
Well, I didn't make it obvious.
So.
Yeah.
Ok. Seriously. Don't fall asleep reading this.
I'm off.
I'd love to get wet in this way.
1:37 PM; `dead.Y
Naivety.
I'd love to stop being a spoilt brat, expecting people to entertain me, 24/7.
12:45 PM; `dead.Y
Why do I have the feeling, that I'll dread today.
Hmm.
I'd love to pay less.
1:07 AM; `dead.Y
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Oh.
Hmm.
Back from outside.
Oh well, today's a great day.
Minus the bit about me being in deep deep shit.
Shan't speak about that.
Went to Plaza Sing to catch movies.
Yes, moviessss.
Caught Rush Hour 3 first,
well it wasn't THAT good but,
it was for one thing,
hilarious.
I laughed my butt off.
It was damn funny.
Well, detailwise, it was quite bad.
They didn't bother to explain any stuff that happened, when it shouldn't have.
Then...
Came Secret.
Oh. My. God.
Best movie, in my damned life.
It felt all queer, weird.
There was this inexplicable, unexplainable and unspeakable feeling,
when the movie ended.
It was so...sad.
So.. melancholic.
I was almost crying.
I mean, I would've cried, but somehow I kept it back.
Well, I mean the ending was good, but, all the stuff that happened, the events,
the tears, the smiles, the embraces, the secret that had belonged to her, her existence that was only to him, the music and all the stuff, the pain she had to go through.
To people, she was insane, yet she knew the love was there.
But she had to go through those ostracism, the stigmatisation.
He alone, knew she was there.
I could almost feel her pain.
She's like me, I think, thinks too much, thinks too deeply.
Sigh, no words can describe how I feel right now I guess.
It's just..
too beautiful.
Everything about it.
I. Love. It.
Period.
Maybe, it's because, I have my secrets too.
But, everyone too, has their own secrets.
Hmm, well.
Then after that, I went to play and stuff.
And.. came home!
Going to play, soon.
I think.
Hmm.
Nothing much.
Wanted to say something, but forgot what was it.
Maybe I'll start playing the piano again.
She said yes without thinking, what about you?
Waiting, and waiting.
Wasn't much of a wait anyway.
I think too much for my own good, no?
I'd love to whisper softly, those secrets that never were.
10:37 PM; `dead.Y
I can't help but think that way.
I'd love to think otherwise.
11:26 AM; `dead.Y
`him and herUnder the old tree,they made a promise.
And by love's decree,
a simple, sweet kiss.
An enchanting gaze,
a mischievous smile.
Remember the days,
love potion, one vial.
Intoxicated,
he's poisoned by her.
He's so distracted,
her charming splendour.
A bottle of stars,
his feelings in each.
He would set to task,
he'd let his love seep.
Her lovely allure,
a nascent myrtle.
Her kiss, his cure,
how very subtle.
She's just that girl,
her boy, how sweet.
That silly couple,
strolling down the street.
Ooh, nice!
Hmm, did this during duty.
I was so bored.
Duty wasn't much exciting.
Stood there, do nothing.
Eew, had cold Macs, yesterday.
The fries were all soggy and stuff.
Finished up your essay thing.
Your.
English.
Is.
Horri-
ble.
Well, kind of.
Ok, I'm dead.
Stop,
for now.
Off to movies!
I'd love to do this, again.
11:18 AM; `dead.Y
Friday, August 10, 2007
Monochromed fairy tales.
It's okay.
I'll colour them one day.
I'd love to believe in fairy tales.
1:13 PM; `dead.Y
Ok, this sucks.
Guard duty.
See you tomorrow.
Oh, oh.
528181583.
HAHA you're SO FUNNY.
Well.
Smart.
Oh, on a more random note.
Rollover ads, are damn irritating.
I'd love to fall into memories.
1:07 PM; `dead.Y
My vision(s), my thoughts are mirrored illusions.
My words, my actions are seraphic fabrications.
Oh, why am I saying this.
God.
I'd love to, disappear once in a while.
8:21 AM; `dead.Y
Uh, good morning world!
Wakey, wakey.
Eh, what crap.
Please tell me you forgot to press send, and fell asleep instead.
Hmm, but that's better.
Well, listening to some random song.
No idea how I woke up so early.
Just happened to I guess.
Still slightly groggy.
Hmm, actually didn't know what to say.
Just wanted to say good morning.
How boringgg.
Ah well.
Oh, oh.
I've changed my favourite colour, I think.
Well, someone said I was fickle.
But I'm not.
Don't know how to say, lah.
Lahhh.
Hmm, the random song I'm listening to, is actually quite nice.
Must find more nice random songs.
Lalala. <3
Oh, hmm, I must get 'more life'.
I think.
Well, then I'll more stuff to blog about!
Then maybe, it'll be more interesting for someone.
At least if someone still likes to read this, prefer this over fireworks.
Oh, and I don't talk girly.
Just chose not to talk like,
I don't know, last time?
Well, people tell me to be myself, be natural, but it's a habit I can't kick.
But sometimes it's okay.
You can't expect me to keep saying stuff like, wa sian today got guard duty, f***!
I'm not saying that using profanities = speaking like a guy.
But if i speak like a guy, I'll probably be rude.
Then I'd rather someone not see this side of me.
Well, it's more like you've seen too much of this side.
Hmm, I certainly can crap a lot in the morning.
I actually came out with so much stuff to talk about.
Maybe I don't need to get a life.
HAHA.
Okay, off for now.
I'd love to get a proper life.
7:56 AM; `dead.Y
Well.
Sleep.
Don't know why I'm updating just because I'm sleeping.
Hey, hmm, learnt some stuff from some people.
It made me see things clearer.
Like, totally awesome.
Then there's someone, who's gotten so wise, that she's about to float 3 inches off the ground.
How holy.
LOL.
WHAT THE HECK.
Ha, okay, but thanks, I'm glad I talked.
Well.
Sleep sleep sleep.
Dumb NDP.
I'd love to be off, to Lalaland.
12:46 AM; `dead.Y