mend my broken shoes
I remember.
How I used to lie on my bed.
Waiting,
waiting,
and waiting.
Looking at the screen that said :
Starhub
Silent.
Waiting for it to say :
1 new message received.
I remember.
How I used to lose my appetite,
and stop eating.
I remember.
How I used to look at the skies,
write notes into my notebook.
I remember.
How I had to stand for hours,
to tell someone that fireworks were nice,
to have that someone tell me,
that she'd rather read this, than to look at the fireworks.
I remember.
How I had to clip the phone to my ears,
to change between sides,
to say I'm not tired,
to say it's still early,
to say I'm not sleepy.
Even though it's 6 AM in the morning.
I remember.
The number of sit-ups I had to do in someone's room
.
I remember.
The number of hours of sleep I'd miss.
I remember.
How misunderstood I was.
I remember.
How someone would try to sneak money on me,
because I paid for dinner.
I remember.
How I'd wait for more buses to come and go,
just to talk to someone longer.
I remember.
How I'd turn back when we parted,
but you never did.
Yes,
you never did remember,
didn't you.
You never bothered to.
You never bothered to say no.
You never bothered to prove me wrong.
You never bothered to say.
You never bothered to share.
I knew nothing about you.
I never did know.
Come to think of it,
I didn't really know you.
Who you are.
I had to guess, and guess, and guess.
It's alright.
It's not the first time I'm saying it's alright anyway.
It's my bad habit,
expecting returns,
and reciprocals.
I lose,
really.
I really lost.
I could never win you.
I never knew how to.
I never had to stop guessing.
I wished I could cause this much pain to someone too.
Maybe I'll get to stop updating for a while.
Since this blog has lost its purpose.
Because it was for you.
Hope I guessed wrongly this time.
Because I always do.
oh, won't you mend my broken shoes,
for the next lonely valentine.