`another princessAsphyxiated,
I couldn't breath.
Incessantly,
the pain that slowly seethed.
I was drowning,
my hands coloured with blood.
The thorns that pricked,
its secrets, the roses desired to guard.
I tiptoe to her room,
the starlight in the gloom.
Shadows alive, they loomed,
over flowers that never bloomed.
A hint of hysteria,
her screams, a manic glare.
A tinge of gothic black,
the petals, a colour so rare.
A rhapsody,
its vicious quavers.
Melancholy,
its cruel puppeteer.
The broken mirror,
she's trapped in this box.
She craves for sanity,
her senses flummoxed.
Her solemn abyss,
a morbid glow.
The crescent waning,
a docile crow.
Her long, flowing hair,
she silently weeps.
Seeking a fairy tale,
this forbidden seed.
This seed I sow,
the fruits I reap.
That desolate princess,
and her once venomous lips.
Hmmm, thought of something dark.
So I tried this.
Hope it isn't too bad.
Don't have much to type these days.
Mainly because my life is so boring.
Just had guard duty yesterday.
Which was.. quite crap.
Because everyone got to book out quite early.
But I had to stay.
Well.
So I went out of camp for a while to get outside food.
I walked out alone.
I ate alone.
I bought stuff alone.
I walked back alone.
I booked in alone.
I listened to music alone.
So this morning, I went home alone.
Well.
I should have gotten used to it, but it's hard.
Oh.. yeah.
Check this out.
I just did some personality test thingy?
And yeah.
This was what I got.
A part of it.
NeuroticismFreud originally used the term neurosis to describe a condition marked by mental distress, emotional suffering, and an inability to cope effectively with the normal demands of life. He suggested that everyone shows some signs of neurosis, but that we differ in our degree of suffering and our specific symptoms of distress. Today neuroticism refers to the tendency to experience negative feelings. Those who score high on Neuroticism may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People high in neuroticism are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish a neurotic's ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress.
At the other end of the scale, individuals who score low in neuroticism are less easily upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that low scorers experience a lot of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extraversion domain.
Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99
NEUROTICISM................99 ***************************************************************************************************
..Anxiety..................95 ***********************************************************************************************
..Anger....................99 ***************************************************************************************************
..Depression...............99 ***************************************************************************************************
..Self-Consciousness.......83 ***********************************************************************************
..Immoderation.............89 *****************************************************************************************
..Vulnerability............99 ***************************************************************************************************
Your score on Neuroticism is high, indicating that you are easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional.
Neuroticism Facets
Anxiety. The "fight-or-flight" system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are generally calm and fearless. Your level of anxiety is high.
Anger. Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily. Your level of anger is high.
Depression. This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings. Your level of depression is high.
Self-Consciousness. Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. Your level or self-consciousness is high.
Immoderation. Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge. Your level of immoderation is high.
Vulnerability. High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed. Your level of vulnerability is high.
Well.
It's a lot of text.
I am so negative. Period.
Yeah, no one cares anyway.
Well, not trying to curse myself.
But I half-hoped that I'll die this friday.
You never know.
Then it's buh-bye.
But it doesn't make a difference in anyone's life.
So whatever.
What else is there to say.
've been playing some piano these days.
Feels good.
That's the only thing that helps these days.
Didn't get to watch Secret because of the damn rain.
Well, whatever.
I don't feel much these days.
I'm like some vegetable, or a stone, or whatever.
Haha, sometimes.
I'll forget why I'd want to blog.
For myself?
For others?
Or what.
This is pathetic.
I can't talk, so I use this to talk to others.
I think people actually prefer reading this, than to talk to me.
It's almost like, this blog is replacing me.
Haha.
What the fuck is wrong with my life.
Everything is wrong.
Ha.
You know.
It doesn't work like that.
I'm not a child.
I'm not asking for candies.
It's not like I want them.
It's just praying, for someone to offer me candies.
It's just praying, for people to bother.
It's just praying, for people to realise I exist.
It's just praying, for when I'm not around, people'll question my whereabouts.
It's just praying, for people to feel uneasy if I stopped existing
So one would want to test.
So that's why one would want to disappear, so he can actually see if people'll bother.
And if they don't, he can continue to not exist.
It works for some people.
It doesn't for me.
Well.
I hate it when people'll only give me candies when I ask for them.
When do I get to get them, even when I don't ask?
I can't answer now, but I think it's never.
I always thought you were an exception, but I was wrong.
I always thought I can be one, but I think I'm wrong.
I can't hope for people to tell me I'm not.
Actually, after typing so much.
Only I understand this.
Right.
You won't get half of it, will you.
Not even half.
I mean, it's ridiculous.
I should be the one doing it.
Not you.
But I'm not.
And I'm expecting you to do it.
Wow, my thoughts can be that fragmented.
It's okay if you don't get it.
Because it's for my eyes only.
I'd love to drown, so the pain fades away.